I just received a package in the mail from a bereavement counselor I spoke to a couple of weeks ago. There are several brochures on grieving the loss of an infant, memorial ideas, and how to help other children through the loss of their sibling. I’m sitting here in my car in the parking lot of Greta’s dance class skimming through these brochures and had to put them away. That anyone should lose an infant, let alone myself, is just unbearably sad.
While I feel this tiny little person kicking around inside of me, it somehow seems wrong to be grieving his or her death. I don’t know that I’m ready to do that, but yet I want to be prepared and have funeral plans, etc. put into place should the need arise. I really don’t know what to do with all of this. I wonder, am I just avoiding this whole mess or am I staying so focused on God and the present? By making preparations for this baby’s death, does that somehow discount my faith in a miracle?