The bout of worry that plagued me today was wondering if I would have the mental clarity to know what measures to take once this baby is born.  We have been told by the doctors, and read in other’s accounts that the medical community is not enthusiastic about rescusitating T18 babies.  In most cases, the attempts are futile.  I understand that.  But at the end of the day, these doctors and nurses get to go home to their families and our situation was simply just chalked up to one of those sad days that goes along with the territory of being in the medical field.  This isn’t going to be just a “sad day” for us that we can brush ourselves off and walk away from.  Every decision we make that day will live with us for the rest of our lives.  Will we be inflicting unnecessary pain and suffering on this child if we insist on surgery to repair the heart defect?  Or will we be okay with solely offering care and comfort (DNR), letting nature take its course?

Based on many of the stories of other T18 babies I’ve read, there are many people that have been okay with taking the route of offering just care and comfort.  I think, ultimately I would be just as okay with that (as anyone could be expected) but for the fact that I come across these other stories featuring pictures of cheeky 1 and 2 year olds smiling from their little Bumbo seats, etc.  These are the T18 babies who have made it past those first hours, days, weeks, months.  Could my baby have been one of them, had we insisted on “drastic measures”?

I know there is no sense in worrying about the future when I really have absolutely no idea what to expect.  I do need to come up with a birthing plan though.  Fortunately, that is nothing that is written in stone and we can change it at any time, but it gives our doctors and nurses an idea of what our situation is and what we’d like to have take place once this baby is born.  Problem is, I just don’t know right now, not knowing exactly what we are facing!!

Just as God has given us the strength and the tools to have gotten through these past 2 1/2 weeks, I know that He’ll pull through for us when that time comes.  Please pray that William and I will have the mental clarity and Godly insight to do what is right for our baby, according to God’s will.