Day 49 – Hospice

We met with hospice this morning. It turned out not to be as daunting as it sounds. I did hate walking through those doors with the word HOSPICE emblazoned thereon. “WHAT IN THE HELL ARE WE DOING HERE???????” I internally screamed behind my expressionless facade, “WE’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!!!” We should be picking out nursery decor, and getting all the cute little girl clothes out of storage. This? This. This just wasn’t fair. But in we went anyway. The women we met with were wonderful and made it clear that it was Nora’s LIFE that they were focusing on, not her death. Their purpose is to make life a little easier on us for the time, for which we are so hopeful, that we DO get to spend with Nora. It was by no means a meeting with the Grim Reaper! We, of course, want to focus on the positive and on what we’d like to see happen in “best case scenario” – but we’ve known all along that our plan isn’t always God’s plan. It would be nice not to have to use our plans for “worst case scenario” at all – but if we need them, they’re there. With some assistance from these beautiful people we’ll figure out exactly what those plans are, and put them up on a shelf for that rainy day, if and when it comes.

image

My sister, Sarah made this for me!

Today, I’m thankful for the gift of time. I think that if one day in the past I’d been given a glimpse of myself walking into a hospice facility, my hands cradled around my big belly, I would have been crushed with anguish from that day onward. God only gives us a day at a time, the future is none of our business until it becomes the present. It’s comforting to know that even back in those tranquil, sunny days — God was already here ready to meet us, his arms outstretched offering to take this heavy load from us.

8 thoughts on “Day 49 – Hospice

  1. Wow, I don’t even know what to say other than it is evident that He is truly carrying you. I am greatly humbled once again and praying. God bless this mother’s aching heart like only You can.

  2. You, Nora’s mother, are an inspiration. Your last paragraph made me think of Casting Crowns’ song “Already There”. You, Nora’s mother, are precious and loved by many…who do not even know you. Thank you for being transparent and allowing us to love Nora too!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ouj1Ai4lIeY (Not sure if the link will work, but its the youtube link to the song I referenced just in case you’d like to listen.)
    Jennifer (Elizabeth H’s friend)

  3. Stay strong sweetheart…..I could cry a million tears for you if it would just take away a moment of your pain. I pray for you everyday….Sarah too….love you both….

  4. I’m reading this and feeling incredibly low for the yelling I’ve done tonight at my kids…they irritate me beyond belief sometimes and get me angry…but oh how I thank the good Lord above that those 3 boys are healthy and vibrant, even when I need them to be settled down and ready for bed. Reading your inspiring words/thoughts puts my “irritations” into perspective, settles me down, and helps me realize that my problems and dishevled household (at times) doesn’t even register on the radar of all that is on your plate…I love you and thank you for always finding the right words…they set me straight again…

  5. I dont know you so i hope you dont mind me posting here

    On 12:01 am I was browsing FB I couldnt sleep b/c tomorrow is the 1yr anniversary since we left our home a happy family to what we thought was going to be a routine gender scan ultrasound… it wasnt

    The first post that popped up on my feed was your blog…
    I am in tears for you remember how all that was. But my tears are also of JOY because its knowing that Gods love has made you feel so secure to do his will as we did.
    Although it sucks BAD now (and there is no other words really to describe it) I KNOW he will reward us in a way no other can when we are finally there in his presence.
    I can tell from your blog posts ( i have gone back and read a few) that you truly are an amazing strong person. You have a beautiful family.

    God Bless you and yours always and prayers for peace and comfort during this most difficult time

  6. God bless all you and your family, Aleisa. Bill and I pray for you daily. Thank you for your generosity in sharing this journey. You will never know how many lives you have touched.

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