It was a relaxing, uneventful day that concluded with Breakfast for Dinner, which was coordinated by dear friends. I appreciate being able to laugh, relax and take in the moments of joy. Now that the burning shock of our baby’s diagnosis has sunken in, it’s safe to say that William and I are at peace with the hand that we’ve been dealt. The peace serves as a soothing aloe that alleviates the pain of our terrible sadness. It’s been possible to settle back into the remnants of our normal routine of day to day life. I delight in this state of surreal quietude, the calm before the storm? Were it physically possible, I would gladly spend the rest of my days in a perpetual state of maternity cherishing all the little heel and elbow pokes from beneath my skin.
However, time stands still for no one. There’s “no app for that”. The future is uncertain and will inevitably be here before we know it. I was amazed at how fast the past three weeks have flown by. Assuming that this pregancy goes to term (which we have been given no guarantee), that gives us about twelve weeks to go — twelve weeks that will fly by at an equal speed. Past that point the deadly waves crash and roar in the distance. I can’t let my eyes stay focused on them because I know that God will put them into proper perspective once they are upon us. He will not allow them to take us under.
Tonight I was given a prominent reminder of God’s unique and amazing ability to create beauty from ashes in the form of a text message. The text message was from my birth daughter, out of the blue, thanking me for giving her life, and telling me that she loves me. She is my ever glowing rainbow as a result of that long ago storm. A time when I thought for certain I would drown — now radiantly beautiful.