When I really sit back and reflect upon it, I am actually astounded by the great faith that has seemingly sprung forth from within me throughout these recent weeks. There was never a time that I didn’t BELIEVE in God, but definitely a time in my life where I had little or no regard for faith in God. I’d seemed to be doing a pretty good job of things on my own, so what was it that God could possibly help me with? I spent much of my teen years and beyond in my lackadaisical fog believing that “bad things” only happened to “other people”. As we grow up, we all find out sooner or later that that just isn’t so. It’s not that trials in life MIGHT happen, it’s that they WILL happen. When they do happen people either become bitter and angry, dismissing God altogether, or they cling to their faith with all their might, allowing God to minister to them. When I was first given the terrible news about my unborn baby, you’d better believe I was bitter and angry. “HOW COULD GOD ALLOW SOMETHING LIKE THIS TO HAPPEN???” I shrieked from the floor of my bedroom. But like a wounded child, I allowed God to pick me up as I continued to weep. Instead of staying bitter, I could sense His arms wrapped around me and His great desire to comfort me. I willingly gave in and it felt so much better than the mess of anguish I’d been holding onto so tightly for two days. How could anyone possibly get through something like this without God? There is a much, much, much bigger picture than we could ever possibly wrap our little pea brains around. Knowing I could never make sense of it with my human brain, I’ve elected to simply trust God, just as it seems that He trusts me? I don’t necessarily feel that I’m being TESTED through these circumstances, but instead that I’m TRUSTED. God already knows my heart. There’s no sense in trying to analyze everything or to try to figure out the who, what, when, where and why of it all. IT JUST IS, and yes, God, you can trust me with this little life.
On these long stretches of gloomy, cloudy days, it’s easy to forget what the warmth of the sun feels like. But I never assume that the sun doesn’t exist. I might not be able to see it or feel it, but I know it’s still up there. If I just keep my head up long enough, I WILL see glimpses of blue sky peeking out from beneath the clouds — proof of beautiful days and that the sun does indeed exist.