When I really sit back and reflect upon it, I am actually astounded by the great faith that has seemingly sprung forth from within me throughout these recent weeks. There was never a time that I didn’t BELIEVE in God, but definitely a time in my life where I had little or no regard for faith in God. I’d seemed to be doing a pretty good job of things on my own, so what was it that God could possibly help me with? I spent much of my teen years and beyond in my lackadaisical fog believing that “bad things” only happened to “other people”. As we grow up, we all find out sooner or later that that just isn’t so. It’s not that trials in life MIGHT happen, it’s that they WILL happen. When they do happen people either become bitter and angry, dismissing God altogether, or they cling to their faith with all their might, allowing God to minister to them. When I was first given the terrible news about my unborn baby, you’d better believe I was bitter and angry. “HOW COULD GOD ALLOW SOMETHING LIKE THIS TO HAPPEN???” I shrieked from the floor of my bedroom. But like a wounded child, I allowed God to pick me up as I continued to weep. Instead of staying bitter, I could sense His arms wrapped around me and His great desire to comfort me. I willingly gave in and it felt so much better than the mess of anguish I’d been holding onto so tightly for two days. How could anyone possibly get through something like this without God? There is a much, much, much bigger picture than we could ever possibly wrap our little pea brains around. Knowing I could never make sense of it with my human brain, I’ve elected to simply trust God, just as it seems that He trusts me? I don’t necessarily feel that I’m being TESTED through these circumstances, but instead that I’m TRUSTED. God already knows my heart. There’s no sense in trying to analyze everything or to try to figure out the who, what, when, where and why of it all. IT JUST IS, and yes, God, you can trust me with this little life.
On these long stretches of gloomy, cloudy days, it’s easy to forget what the warmth of the sun feels like. But I never assume that the sun doesn’t exist. I might not be able to see it or feel it, but I know it’s still up there. If I just keep my head up long enough, I WILL see glimpses of blue sky peeking out from beneath the clouds — proof of beautiful days and that the sun does indeed exist.
iwillcarryyou 
Each of your posts just astound me in one way or another. I’m trying to keep from commenting on every one of them sense I’ve never even met you but I have to tell you that without a doubt this blog and you so unselfishly sharing your raw, battered heart, and incredible faith in God and giving testimony to the peace and comfort that only He can bring, is most definitely helping to heal other broken hearts and giving people hope in the midst of their trials. That stuff about being trusted instead of being tested is something I will carry with me for life now. That’s just some incredible stuff.
You & William are in my thoughts & prayers. You are a very strong & loving person. I DO believe in miracles and who knows what’s in your future. Keep your head up and heart open for God’s plan.
Love & Prayers,
Regina (Aaron’s mom)
Again Girlie – I love you. I think you know that! BTW, did you know Rick Santorum’s 3-year-old daughter is a Trisomy 18 child? I’m so proud of you in every way – as proud as if I were your mother (I know you have a wonderful mother!). I will continue to light candles for you and Wm. and the kids and for your baby – at vigil mass every Saturday evening. The mass brings great comfort when times are tough. You are in my thoughts every single day and I am so very happy that we met because of our love for bluebirds. Seems a distant happening, doesn’t it???
Thank you for opening your heart and sharing your life. I have met William just recently and only through phone conversations regarding work but that connection has brought the prayers of my wife and I to your family. When William sent me the link to your blog he invited me to share it with others. This day’s blog is an illustration that I will use this Sunday in my adult Bible Study. As the apostle Paul went out on his first missionary journey the people hearing the gospel of Jesus Christ had one of two reaction, rejection of God or a drawing near to him. That is exactly what you describe with your words about trials, “When they do happen people either become bitter and angry, dismissing God altogether, or they cling to their faith with all their might, allowing God to minister to them”.
I cannot say that I know what you are going through as I have never walked in your shoes. Even so, I can say for my wife and I that the Lord has grown our faith through significant trials of our own. I share that only to say this; the book of 1 Peter has ministered so deeply to my soul I’ve nearly memorized it reading it through again and again for comfort from His grace and His Spirit through His Word.
God bless you and William and the family!
Because of Christ,
Christopher
I LOVE your analogy with the gloomy sky and sun. We’re three weeks into knowing our baby boy has T18. I am 17 weeks pregnant.