Day 19 – I Will Remember You

Years ago when women learned that their babies would not live long after birth, they were strongly encouraged not to bond with the baby. If you weren’t attached to something, you wouldn’t have to waste time grieving over it, and you could just get back to life after all was said and done.  I’m not sure how someone could possibly have imagined that this was a good idea nor can I imagine being forced to deal with the loss of an infant in such a way.

One of those unfortunate mothers was my now deceased grandmother. During the 1940’s her first born daughter, Marilyn was born with a heart defect.  The details are sketchy, but it is my understanding that Marilyn lived a couple of days or weeks. My grandmother had limited contact, and was told that her baby was “just in the next room”. Never given the chance to say even one last goodbye before Marilyn passed on, my Grandmother lived the next few years in a deep state of depression. As if that was any wonder!

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I’m so thankful that that mindset is now a thing of the past. I am moved to tears to see all of the beautiful ways families are now encouraged to celebrate the short lives of their tiny babies.  We are able to not only create memories, but we’re able to preserve them with foot prints, hand prints, locks of hair, and photographs.  Proof to us and the world that our treasured babies EXISTED even if only for a short time.

Prior to knowing anything was wrong with this little one, there are ways I had hoped to simply honor the memory of this pregnancy. In all likelihood, this would have been my last pregnancy. I wanted to remember this time with a professional maternity / family photo shoot, a 4D ultrasound, and a cast of my belly. I realized today that I still want and need to create these memories, but now for other reasons than this being my last pregnancy.  I also think that as hard as it might be to know and imagine the specific loss of a little boy or a little girl, these are the moments that I still have with my little one. Our original plan was to wait until the baby was born to find out. However, that was with the notion that we’d have a normal lifetime with this baby to enjoy all the little girl or little boy things that were to come. That luxury has (seemingly) been ripped out from under us. I imagine how precious it would be to know if these little nudges and prods were gifts from a beloved little son or daughter. “Who’s in there?”

14 thoughts on “Day 19 – I Will Remember You

  1. You and this baby are touching my heart in a way I could never have imagined. Every life and every soul is perfect. The love God gives us can turn any situation into a beautiful miracle.

  2. You have such a beautiful way with words. I am so moved reading your wonderful thoughts and feelings. Losing a child is so difficult. I had a trisomy 21 child, not as difficult as trisomy 18. Hunter did not live, he was stillborn at 21 weeks. I am praying for you. I do know that sometimes children with trisomy 18 live for a short while and they bring a joy into your life for that short time. Thank you for sharing this wonderful blog with us. I feel very blessed and love the way you are looking at the pregnancy. It is inspirational truly!

  3. Sherry and I love you guys and are praying for you and your family. Thank you for creating this blog and sharing your thoughts candidly, Jacob

  4. Thank you for sharing your beautiful words with us. I continue to pray each and every day for your strength, your comfort and love as only God can give. Take each day as it comes.

  5. We are thinking of you and your family Aleisa. You have crafted a really special narrative for us to know just a little bit of what you are experiencing, thank you so much for sharing this. Love you!

  6. I am a friend of Sara, I have and will continue to pray for you, your husband, and baby!! God has a beautiful plan for you and your family. Enjoy every moment!!! God created this baby before the earth was formed!!

  7. I love your heart and your honesty and your vulnerability and you and your baby and your family. 🙂 I could go on forever… xoxo

  8. You r in our thoughts and prayers! Your faith and trust says so much to others and honors God. Perhaps u will find some comfort in the recent program on focus on the family. You can go to gingermillermon.com. She and her husband likewise walked an exceedingly difficult path-still trusting as you do. It encourages all who hear. At God bless and lead.

  9. Everyone needs to do their own special thing. My sister for her Trisomy baby had the doctor put the results in an envelope and she gave it to the bakery who made a cake with the inner icing either blue or pink! We all waited for her to cut the cake and we celebrated his life right there with his 1st birthday cake! It also gave all the cousins a way to talk about him with a name and pray for him by name. Every moment you get is special and I know my sister would’t trade the 13 days she got with her little man for anything! God will give you strength. Continue to walk and follow His will and you never know what He has planned.

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