This was a posting on a Trisomy 18 support page – words of advice to someone else – that I think are so touching and so true. This is from a woman who is also expecting a baby with Trisomy 18. Yet here she is offering such inspiring words of wisdom and truth to others. I found this the day after we were given the diagnosis and was so lifted up by her perspective:
I know how hard it is to walk right behind the Lord, one painful and confusing and mysterious step at a time while the most important and amazing thing He could put into your life seems to hang in the balance. But I pray you will take heart in the fact that your son’s life is truly not in the balance. His life is in the same capable hands that my unborn daughter’s, and yours and your husband’s lives are in.
To be a Christian is to admit we are not and could not be God. It is to live in the humility and vulnerability that we can control very little. It is to live in the reality that nothing God has given us, is really ours. It is all His, and He gives and takes away. I fully admit that this was an easier thought for me to have before I thought God may see fit to give and take away a child. But it is no less true now than it was before.
I do not understand why this is happening. It is not fair. (And believe me I have screamed that at God through tears) But just as I rejoice in God’s lack of fairness when it comes to forgiving me, I take comfort in knowing that He usually chooses the people who are terrified, but still willing to follow Him to walk down the most important roads He makes. I don’t want to do this. You don’t want to do this. Moses, Paul, Jonah, many others and Jesus himself didn’t want to do what God asked of them either. And yet they yielded to what God laid before them despite some very big, and very legitimate feelings. Those are the people God chooses to do His perfect will, because those are the only people who will. And here you are. You have not tried to control this by ending your baby’s life on your terms. You have not tried to be God because it is too painful not to be. You are still waiting on the Lord even in the midst of your cries to Him to make it all stop. Whether you like it or not, you are walking in the perfect will of God. As a matter of fact, if you don’t like it, it just means you are in good company.
I’m not suggesting your son will serve some cosmic purpose of God by living and dying the way he will. I’m suggesting he already has. And your obedience, despite your feelings, has been the cooperation God needed in order to make it possible.
For me, I am living in light of this some days, and sobbing and praying God would “let this cup pass from me” on other days.
I hope these words remind you of what you already know, and help you to rest in that assurance long enough to rejoice at the kicking inside you.
Every day is a gift, and eternity will be even sweeter.
Very sincerely, Dana
Wow! This was so powerful that I must share it! And both of our names are Dana. How weird is that?
I too saw this post on the T18 organization web page and found clarity and comfort in her words.
As i sit and read your blog, i find the same comfort in yours. The feelings that come and go at each milestone of my journey are very similar to what you have expressed and shared through yours.
I will be 35 weeks tomorrow & i would love to talk to you a bit about your birth plan, etc.
My husband and i are attempting to prepare for what lies (very nearly) ahead and could use the advice of a seasoned veteran.
I left a message for you via facebook…
God bless you & your family,
Hi Aleisa. I just had a chance to read this and it was perfectly timed. I needed it today.
Praying you and Nora and your beautiful family are doing well. Sending you lots of love too.