Deez are a few of my favorite tings…

Night Night!

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. It is a day that had quietly slipped by unnoticed in former years, but this year has been heavy on my heart. To the families who have suffered the unimagineable loss of an infant or a pregnancy, please know that I’ve been praying for you today. These little lives may have been brief, but they were incredibly meaningful, forever changing the hearts of everyone they touched.

“The amount of time on earth matters very little: a man can live in greed and pride 90 years and never find God, know Him or accomplish His Plan. A stillborn baby on the other hand, teaches people to love, brings people to the Lord, teaches us the tenuous nature of life and teaches us a faith that those who have not suffered loss can never know. A child not even breathing for an hour, can have an impact greater than a famous preacher. The purpose of a life is not ours to decide nor in our hands: it is brought about by God.” -Author Unknown

At the request of dear woman Michelle who lost her infant daughter to trisomy 18 (6 days after Nora was born) I lit a candle, took a picture and posted it to her Facebook page in memory of her daughter Isabella. It made me think of all of the little angels I’ve come to know, many of them through Nora. I decided to light candles for them too. One of them is my sweet nephew Max, another my Aunt Marilyn who died in infancy, and my cousin’s angel, Conner. Others are the angels of friends, people I’ve met through the common trisomy 18 diagnosis, or people I’ve met through this blog. I pray that God will be with each of you and your families throughout the rest of your journeys on this earth. May He fill the void left in your hearts with peace and may the hope be alive within you that you WILL be reunited with your little ones.

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I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139:14-16 NIV)

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From October 14th page of Jesus Calling by Sarah Young:

Be prepared to suffer for me, in My Name. All suffering has meaning in My kingdom. Pain and problems are opportunities to demonstrate your trust in Me. Bearing our circumstances bravely–even thanking Me for them–is one of the highest forms of praise. This sacrifice of thanksgiving rings golden-toned bells of Joy thoughout heavenly realms. On earth also, your patient suffering sends out ripples of good tidings in ever-widening circles.

When suffering strikes, remember that I am sovereign and that I can bring good out of everything. Do not try to run from pain or hide from problems. Instead, accept adversity in My Name, offering it up to Me for My purposes. Thus, your suffering gains meaning and draws you closer to Me. Joy emerges from the ashes of adversity through your trust and thankfulness.

Here are some cute pictures that were taken today:

Nora and Greta with Piggy the guinea pig

Smiley-cakes

Gavin and Greta are spending the night at their Meemee’s this evening. Upon returning home from dropping them off this afternoon I drove through a pretty heavy downpour. I noticed a substantial break in the clouds where the sun was about to peek through. Recipe for a rainbow! I parked the car in the garage and watched the clouds roll and eddy around the sun gradually revealing its radiance. I hurried to the back of the house to look for the rainbow. Just as I took my place at the window three birds flew past the exact spot in the sky where the rainbow appeared right before my eyes. I had to do a recount… Not one, not four… THREE birds. I could not and would not make this up.

The birds were already gone by the I got a picture.

Amazing.

And when I was burdened
with worries,
you comforted me
and made me feel secure.
(Psalms 94:19)

* Not that I felt burdened with worries today, but that rainbow and the birds sure made me feel secure and confident of God’s love and approval.

Thank you, God!

As I’ve grown older (and hopefully wiser) I’ve obviously endured and witnessed tragedies. No one is immune. Often I’ve tried to make sense of things with the notion that everything happens for a reason, even of it’s just to comfort myself. But I began to really think about that phrase. By everything happening for a reason, that somehow implies that God authored the senseless bombshells that come crashing into our lives. I don’t believe He did. But I do believe He picks us up, comforts us, takes our situations and makes something(s) beautiful of them. It’s easy to believe or think that these things happen for a reason in retrospect, because we see the good that has evolved with our own eyes. However, sometimes things just happen. It would be the same concept as my son falling off of his bike. It’s nothing I, as his parent, caused to happen, but you’d better believe that I’m going to do what ever I can to make him feel better. I will wipe the blood off of his knees, clean off the dirt, cover it with Neosporin and a Band-aid, kiss his tears away and maybe give him a popsicle.

God knows about each of the tragedies that wil befall us in advance because He is God, but He did not inflict them upon us. Nor is our God a vindictive God. He does not punish us for something we did or didn’t do. It would be senseless for Him to have gone to the cross if that were the case. Jesus already paid for our sins with His life. On the opposite end of the spectrum — we cannot win God’s love and favor with good deeds. He loves us regardless. Our only duty is to accept and reciprocate His love. Sounds easy enough? That is where our trust and faith come into play. Have trust and faith that God’s love is true! It is real and it is alive in us. Never in my life have I been so sure of it! With each bump in the road when I lose my balance and go crashing to the metaphoric sidewalk, God is right there to pick me up and fix my wounds. He kisses my tears away and gives me my “popsicle” in the form of the three birds. Always there right when I need Him.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
(Romans 8:28 NIV)

Friday

We spent lots of time in the tub again. I know… Big, huge surprise!

All deez baffs make me tired!!!

Saturday

William’s relatives drove in from White Plains, New York. We had a nice visit with Aunt Jane, Uncle Sal and Pop yesterday evening and today. They were very excited to meet the Little Miss. Earlier in the day William and the kids took everyone out to show them around the town. Nora and I stayed home.

Since it was such a nice day today, I took Nora on a little trip down to the creek! This was her first time down there, and my first time since she’d been born. A blanket of autumnal leaves covered much of everything. We walked along the edge of the creek until we came to the big rock I used to sit on with my paints back in the day. We sat there for a little while taking in the crisp fall breeze and listening to the birds.

I looked up at the patches of blue sky through the tops of the trees and smiled, “Thank you for this, God. Thank you!!!”

The hill back up is always steeper for some reason (???), but we made it! Just in time for a major poopy diaper! Poor Nornor lost one of her booties on our way back. We wonder if a prince is going to show up with it tomorrow for everyone to try on. 😉

Later in the afternoon everyone was back from their miscellaneous adventures. We picked up Montgomery Inn and spent a nice evening together.

Uncle Sal, Aunt Jane and Nora

Gavin, William's Mom and Aunt Jane with Nora

Nora had to excuse herself for a bath that she was very insistant upon. While in the tub she made a phone call to place a delivery order from the kitchen. At length she decided upon the milkies.

And now she sleeps, as I must too! Goodnight!

Oh, and Happy Birthday to Aunt Jill in Texas and Auntie Brenda in California! And Auntie Maggie (Oct 9) in Texas!

We love you!

I haven’t been able to update nightly like I used to. When Nora falls asleep, I HAVE to go to sleep as there is no guarantee how long she’ll sleep. I have so much I want to say, but I will at least leave you with these sweet pictures from yesterday and today.

Wednesday

I wonder if I have any teefs yet...

Nope. Not yet!

Thursday

I'd like to order one milkies, please?

Just one, please.

Two milkies??

I said just ONE!!!! ONE milkies!!

And then I want Nana cuddles!

And baffs.

Every little things gonna be alright! God's got this!

We will try to add more tomorrow, but no guarantees… Big kids are off school!

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.
(1 Chronicles 16:34 NIV)

Monday

Today we got a sneak peek at some of the photos from our photoshoot with Melanie. How awesome to have these beautiful, beautiful visuals of our dream come true. Melanie’s photography always renders me speechless, most especially when my family is her subject matter. I don’t know how she does it, but she somehow captures emotion in her shots, as was clearly evidenced in Nora’s birth photos. Her perspective is other-worldly. You can’t look at Nora’s birth photos without feeling exactly what went on there in that room that day. I think this is why her work is so popular, what draws people to these images. My only regret is that she didn’t capture the beautiful days that Gavin and Greta were born. Just a few years ago no one thought to do anything but the “baby in the box” hospital bassinet photos with the pastel blanket in the background. They are cute, but they’re a far scream from what Melanie can do!! Now have our follow up photos that clearly depict our lives at home. The intrinsic love, and the special bonds between us are unequivocally portrayed. I love to imagine several many generations from now looking at these photos, “These were your great-great-grandparents, and their kids… your great-great grandparents.” My heart smiles.

I think we spent a combined 3 ½ hours in the tub today. Baby girl loves her baffs!! If she needs to be “deflated” the baff is a guaranteed fix.

Baff 1:

You’d never know she was screaming and crying 5 minutes prior…

Baff 2:

Deez jets make me a little nervous!!!!!!!!

Then we tried on some pretty outfits:

Know therefore that the Lord  your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments.
(Deuteronomy 7:9 NIV)

Tuesday

This morning’s appointment with the pediatrician went very well. Nora might not share that point of view as there was a shot involved. She weighed in at 9 lbs. 12 oz, 22 inches! A few more ounces and we’ve got ourselves a ten pounder! The doctor was very happy with her growth progression. She looks great, sounds great!

Once we were back home, a baff and some milkies were on direct order. That made everything better.

Milkies, get in mah belly!!!!

This afternoon there was a show on about ancient cultures, specifically on the topic of Roman baths. They were talking about how these baths were such an important part of their society. It all sounded eerily familiar. Perhaps Nora might like to have her own bath house someday!

Let all that I am praise the LORD;
may I never forget the good things he does for me.
(Psalm 103:2 NLT)

Saturday

I smiled as I looked out the back window. A beautiful cross etched into the morning sky, “Good morning!”

It was indeed a good morning and a good rest of the day. We had a nice visit from William’s Mom who we haven’t seen in a while. Nora and I stayed home while the rest of the family went up to the school playground and then to the store. While Nora napped I got to watching Undercover Boss on TLC. If you’re not familiar with it, it is a reality show that features the CEO or owner of a company who is put to work in his or her company among the “common people” in disguise. It’s entertaining to watch the unsuspecting employees say and do things they never ever would have if they knew the supposed new employee they were training was the CEO!! At the end of each episode it was revealed who the “new employee” really was. The loyal and hard working employees were graciously rewarded for their diligence, others had some explaining to do. I found myself getting choked up at this point. There was something that resonated inside of me as it pertains to Christ. I wondered how many times I’ve been in the position of the unsuspecting employee blatantly saying and doing things in the presence of Jesus and/or His angels in disguise. Beside the glaring moments of my human inequities, I hope there will also be the moments that make God smile — the moments he’ll want to reward me for.

Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters. Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.
(Hebrews 13:1-2 NIV)

I love, love, love this song:

“You are looking for a king you will never recognize.”

Also a reminder that I can be Jesus In disguise to others.

Speaking of disguises, how do you like my milk fu manchu?

Nora is doing so much better! Her cold is definitely on its way out of here!

Sunday

The boys went to the Bengal’s game, so Greta, Nora and I had a Girl’s Day In.

We watched movies, ate popcorn, drank milkies and took baffs all day.

Nana and Papa came to visit this evening and brought dinner and desserts. I love my Mom and Dad! It was a perfect way to end the weekend.

He took a little child whom he placed among them. Taking the child in his arms, he said to them, “Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me.” (Mark 9:36-37 NIV)

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Philippians 4:8 NIV) * I’m going to bed thinking about little baby girl squeals! 🙂

Wednesday

The day started off well until the cat had her 6th seizure that I am aware of. Still no reasons, answers or solutions in sight. Slowly and surely the anxiety took root and began to flourish. It was no longer just the cat that gave me cause for worry. I felt myself slipping, but refused to get knocked down again. Instead of letting something I had no control over seep into other areas of my life and set the tone for the rest of my day I gave it to God. I reminded God (and myself) over and over again that I trust Him. After awhile my fears and misgivings were exposed for what they really were — lies. God’s presence in my life is infallible, guaranteed and infinite.

I think back through all of the years and tears of my life, really up until very recently. I knew of, but didn’t understand the true power of the Holy Spirit. There were so many times, so many instances where I could have stopped, stared up at the sky (as I have a tendency to do) and thanked, praised, surrendered, cried, vented, asked and rested. So many times where this simple, yet efficacious practice could and would have mentally alleviated even the most trivial of complications. However, the news of, “Your baby has trisomy 18, and probably won’t survive delivery, or more than a few days at most” is enough to throw the strongest of giants to the ground. In those moments, I had no choice but to scream out loud for God. There was nothing else, no one else who could help me. After three months of ceaseless prayer, it was no longer theoretical. The reality of God in my life could not, cannot and will not be disputed. What a lesson this has been about prayer, trust and perspective. Even the things that don’t necessarily rip the rug out from under my feet, such as cat seizures, I habitually bring them to God because that’s what I’m used to doing. I can certainly say that Nora has strengthened my prayer life. She has proven its power time and time again. These aren’t just my prayers, but your prayers too.

Unless the Lord  had given me help,
I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death. When I said, “My foot is slipping,”
your unfailing love, Lord , supported me. When anxiety was great within me,
your consolation brought me joy.
(Psalm 94:17-19 NIV)

Oh look! I'm a little Dew Drop!

I made stinkies in the tub again and Mommy didn't realize until the bubbles cleared away!!

Don't tell anyone though!!

Thursday

Thursdays have become my busy day. I was afforded luxury of getting out of the house to go to Bible study and even to help out in Greta’s classroom again. Nora and Nana hung out together for much of the day. (Thank you, Mom!) Bible study was incredible. It is a Beth Moore study on the book of James. The topic today was on joy and anguish. How the two can coexist (story of life since January!?) and even trade places! I love the analogy that was made between mental anguish and childbirth. The abject pain and suffering that is endured through labor with the beautiful precious baby to come. Through our anguish, of whatever it is that we’re going through – there is going to be, there WILL be something amazing as a result. The mere thought of it has tears streaming down my cheeks right now as I type this. My labor with Nora–physical and mental anguish intertwined. Her delivery–that first cry, her little eyes looking back at me, her second cry after we thought we were going to lose her–intoxicating joy. Labor and delivery, a reflection of our life on this earth and a reminder of what is to come. Can you stand it?

A thin package was delivered shortly after I got home from this particularly significant Bible study. It was a book that Melanie had made from the photos of Nora’s birth. Photos of the anguish, photos of the JOY. What a perfect reminder at a perfect moment. I can’t stop looking at it!

To help the sorrowing people of Jerusalem — I will give to them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, and the oil of gladness to replace their sorrow with joy, and clothes of praise to replace their spirit of sadness. Then they will be called flower trees of goodness planted by the Lord to show his splendor.
(Isaiah 61:3-4)

Bible study?? Oh! I thought you said BUBBLE study!

I haven’t had a chance to post in a couple of days with everything going on here. Here are a few pictures of our little swimmer this past Sunday.

Mom?

These things aren't going to fall off me again, are they?

Dat was kind of embarrassing!!

Despite her cold Nora slept wonderfully through the night (Sunday night) and even ate well during the time she woke up. I assumed she was tolerating her cold well and was surprised Monday when she was less than enthusiastic about her milkies. I gave her a couple of baffs to break up the monotony of the day and then settled her down for an afternoon nap.

Oh, I feel seepy.

Awhile after she fell asleep I became concerned about her coloring and hooked her little foot up to the pulsox machine. Her oxygen sats were reading low. Panic mode. I wasn’t sure if the congestion was preventing the flow of oxygen or if her lungs were compromised. I rerouted the oxygen flow through a tube that I placed near her open mouth in the hopes she would regain healthy sats that way. It worked for awhile until she woke up. She was angry, hungry, gassy and pissed – not a easy combo for trying to keep a tiny hose pointed at her angry little mouth. Frustrated and worried we watched as the sats dropped again. Was she just wiggling around too much, which would give false readings? Or were her sats really dropping that low? We had our doctor make “reservations” for us at Children’s and I packed our bags. I’m so thankful for awesome neighbors who rushed down to get the big kids AND fed them dinner while we tried to figure out if we were coming or going – on their anniversary, no less!! However, once we got Nora settled down and some more boogies extracted, the levels were reading steady again, and with the oxygen running back through the nasal cannula. After about 45 minutes of consistent readings we decided not to go to the hospital. My mom agreed to come over and spend the night just in case, but fortunately it never came to that.

Oh! Did I cause some troubles?

Because I’ve not always been diligent about washing my hands AFTER I’ve cared for Nora I now have her cold. I took some cold medicine last night that “may or may not cause drowsiness” hoping that I would at least be able to assist in Nora’s care last night. It rendered me completely useless and I may as well have had a fifth of Jack before I went to bed. (Sorry, sweet hubzbind) I did try to post a blog entry, but obviously that didn’t happen either. (Sorry, sweet readers)

My wonderful, awesome Mom helped get the kids off to school this morning and then did some grocery shopping for me. Later in the morning Nora had her baffies after Daddy got some Johnson & Johnson mentholyptus scented baby wash. We turned on the jets to get some extra mega bubble action. She seemed to like that! That set the tone for a nice long afternoon nap.

So here we are, holding steady and making our way over this exasperating bump in the road. We’ve been advised to keep Nora at home except for doctor visits, and to keep our visitors to a bare minimum, all of which who must have had a flu shot! We do have the RSV vaccination lined up for Nora, so hopefully that will alleviate any worry of that! The big kids have to change clothes when they come home from school and wash their hands and arms. That’s how it has to be until April. While you won’t see the Little Miss out at the grocery store, or at Bible study, I’m so glad I can still share her through the blog. And hopefully April will be here before we know it!

A drawing I found in Greta's school folder. So, so sweeeeeeet!!!!

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father?
(Hebrews 12:7 NIV)

* I am not being disciplined or punished for something I did wrong. Although I most certainly deserve it, God does not work like that. It is my faith that is being disciplined and perfected through each hardship. It is being molded, shaped and polished to reflect God’s glory.