It is during my moments of deepest despair that I find myself clinging to my faith, desperate for the peace and comfort that I can only seem to get from God. Then as things settle down and become status quo I find that my spirituality regresses back to it’s former state of reduced priority. Unless I make the conscious effort to nurture my relationship with God, it will fall by the wayside, as it goes with any relationship. It is clear to me why God would allow us to go through trying and tragic circumstances. He wants to be in a relationship with us. He wants to be able to comfort us as only He can. Because He gave us free will we can make the decision to go through a crisis with Him or without Him. I’ve been through enough without Him to realize the benefit of prayerfully relying on Him. Trying to get through the hard times on my own seem to be what I imagine it would be like to drive a car without a steering wheel. The car will roll along just fine while the road is smooth and straight, but throw in a few curves, pot holes, squirrels, steep hills and detours and I’ve got myself into quite a predicament. I can either slam on the brakes and go no where, missing out on the journey altogether, or I can go careening off the road into a blazing inferno. I think I’d just rather have the steering wheel!!! And perhaps God ought to be the one driving. Really, He’s the one who knows the way – not me. There are the days where I’d much rather He’d stop with all the hilly back roads and just get onto the highway. But if He did, I’d have missed so much. I trust He knows where He’s taking me, so I’m going to roll my window down and enjoy the beautiful scenery along the way. Scenery that looks back at me with such sweetness and smiles.

“In the wilderness prepare
the way for the Lord ;
make straight in the desert
a highway for our God. Every valley shall be raised up,
every mountain and hill made low;
the rough ground shall become level,
the rugged places a plain.
(Isaiah 40:3-4 NIV)

Nora and I had the day to ourselves as William and Gavin and Greta spent the day at King’s Island with Sophie! It sounds and looks like they had a ton of fun!

While I wish I could have joined them, it was nice to catch up on some sleep while Nora napped. I was also the recipient of some pretty sweet smiles (and mood swings).

I smile one second...

and seconds later I'm angryyyy!!!

Later in the evening I was afforded the privilege of getting out of the house to attend the Open House at Gavin and Greta’s new school. Gavin and Greta have once again ended up with great teachers! Thank you so very much, Matt S. for coming to stay with Nora so I could do that! You’re awesome!

Recently I was recalling an instance that will forever remain etched in my memory. I remembered how the hairs stood up on my arms and the tears spilled down my cheeks when it happened. It was one of the first and most incredible God hugs I have ever had (or bothered to notice). I guess this one was so blatant and so bold that there was no missing it. It was December of 1994. A dear friend of mine had recently passed away. His name was Jon. We were in an art class together in college and had struck up a friendship over each of our adoption stories. Jon was adopted from Korea and shared with me his perspective on being an adoptee. Having recently become a birth mother, he lightened my heart by giving me the reassurance that I did indeed make the right decision. And perhaps my perspective as a birth mother gave him the comfort and reassurance that his own birth mother certainly must have loved him too. He was such a sweet friend and I still miss him and think about him all these years later. Shortly after his funeral I was back at work. I was walking downtown on my way back from lunch thinking about Jon and in a state of sadness over his passing. “If you really are in a better place, Jon, please, please send me some sort of sign,” I pleaded. Instantly, a man walked out in front of me from a parking garage. He was wearing a black satiny jacket with red embroidery on the back which read, “DON’T WORRY, BE HAPPY!” Speechless!!

Saturday at the Cheesecake Factory, Sarah happened to notice the wording at the bottom of our receipts.

You’d expect it to say, “Eat more cheesecake.” or something? But instead, “Don’t worry, be happy!” And that Sarah noticed it and pointed it out to me, as if though it were somehow personally meant for me.

This evening at the Open House… I was walking into the building past the celebratory ice cream truck parked out front. Of course you know the song that was dancing from its speakers….

Don’t Worry. Be Happy.

I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. (Ecclesiastes 3:12 NIV)

It was my baby sister Emily’s “makeshift” bachelorette party yesterday. Emily, Sarah, our Mom and myself created some masterpieces at the Mad Potter, got pedicures at Mitchell’s, had a brief shopping interlude, and then dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. One sister (Sarah) is carting around a Zofran pump to ease her extreme nausea gravidarum (morning? sickness) – and the other sister (me) has been mentally weatherbeaten over the past year. You should have gotten married when you were 21, Emily. Your sisters were a lot more “fun” back then!

Sarah's bachelorette party 2004

Not to say we didn’t have fun yesterday!! I had an awesome time, and I hope you did too, Femily!

Meanwhile, William and Nora were holding down the fort.

I'll just hold down the milkies. That's it.

Papa came over for a little bit and then took the big kids swimming.

Gavin rock climbing

Today was equally as busy! We celebrated Oma’s birthday with brunch this morning. Happy Birthday, Oma! We love you!

The birthday girl

Nora cuddling with Aunt Sarah

Keira, Greta, Gavin, Gracie

Pretty girl!

I can be a flower girl too! See?

We came back home, and hung out for a little while.

And then I took Gavin and Greta to the swim club for a late afternoon swim and pizza. I LOVE that Gavin placed our pizza order under the name of “Batman”. When it was ready they called over the loud speaker, “Batman? Your order is ready.” We couldn’t stop laughing!! We shared our pizza crust with THREE sparrows!

Once back home Nora and I went on an evening walk. We did almost 2 miles until Nora put in an urgent request to come home. Daddy had to come get us in the car as we were a little over a mile away from home. She wanted the rest of her order that I forgot to bring with me.

You wait just a minute, Mommy!!! I'm BUSY!!!

The big long busy weekend continues on into tomorrow – William and Sophie are taking Gavin and Greta to King’s Island!! Nora and I wish we could come! 🙂

Mercy, peace and love be yours in abundance. (Jude 1:2)

Busy long day! Will update tomorrow!

Goodnighties!

Nora woke up so happy today! She was very generous with her sweet smiles too!

Here are some pictures from today:

Mmmm. These finger sandwiches are delicious!

This is what was going on after I had a quick shower this morning. Everyone was just hangin' out!

Greta was doing so well with Nora this afternoon and even put Nora down for her nap!

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
(Galatians 5:22-23 NIV)

Getting ready for my appointment!

Nora had her echocardiogram and appointment with the cardiologist this morning and it went very well! We were so happy and excited that our nurse friend Linda M., who is now like family was able to stay with us throughout the appointment. She definitely has a soothing-effect on Nora!

It was determined that Nora is still not having any symptoms of congestive heart failure, maybe some slight retraction (ribs showing when inhaling), but that’s it. Surgery would not be of benefit to her still at this point because the VSD is not causing any issues, even with being on the sildenefil. Dr. Hirsch, our cardiologist said that she looks great! I love that Nora was so alert and talkative for all of the doctors! They seemed to be very fascinated with her! I feel that we are so blessed to have this amazing team of doctors who genuinely care for Nora. She is NORA, not trisomy 18, and they get that!

Nora's heart

Nora has been such a happy smiley baby today. She smiled almost the whole way home.

And then of course later in the evening Nora was smiling for her beloved bath time. She wasn’t the only one smiling in the tub. How beautiful it was to be sharing that precious bath time with my sweet baby daughter with a rainbow glowing in the sky right outside the window!! It was the closest thing to heaven in that moment!

Oh look, Mom! Is that a rainbow?

Yep! Sure is!

Yay!

I like to make my own bubbles in the bath!

I believe I am very loved!

Beside the appointment this morning we had a lot of running around today! I had a doctor’s appointment of my own and then took Gavin to get fitted for his tux for his Aunt Em’s wedding in a few weeks!

Gavin is considering taking up the shoe horn in band.

Gavin's new friend lost his head because it wasn't attached.

We love to make each other laugh! I love that kid!

I’m so relieved today is over! I’m about to unwind with some Marley’s Mellow Mood and call it a night. Every little thing is gonna be alright! (Thanks, Will R!!!!!)

Great are the works of the Lord ;
they are pondered by all who delight in them. (Psalm 111:2 NIV)

Nora holding a beautiful card I received I’m the mail today. There is of course the beautiful trio of birds, and now the delicate cherry blossoms…

I am still in the process of sending out Nora’s birth announcements. The stamps I chose for the envelopes are primarily pink and blue featuring cherry blossoms. I chose them only because I liked the way they looked and because they matched the envelope color. I noticed there was a description of the stamps on the back of the sheets. Basically it explains the cherry blossoms in Washington D.C., how they came to be, who planted them, etc. At the end, it says this, “Because these spectacular trees flower so briefly, the Japanese often see them as poignant symbols of transience–making every blossom a invitation to celebrate being alive.” Pretty cool and appropriate, I’d say!!!.Just as is this card!

I’m of to bed with only a miniscule dash of anxiety lurking beneath the surface of my skin. Nora has another echo scheduled for tomorrow morning at Children’s. We’re hoping to get some answers and some direction. Please pray that all goes well for that visit and specifically that the echo goes smoothly for Nora with minimal stress for her.

Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
(Psalm 42:11 NIV)

Throughout my life I’ve heard about, witnessed and endured a fair share of tragedies. All I have to do is turn on the evening news for a half an hour and I hear the stories of all the people who were killed, murdered, abused, and wronged throughout the past week, tied in with some sports and weather. Entire programs are focused on incidents of evil and hatred either real or fictional — Unsolved Mysteries, America’s Most Wanted, Criminal Minds, CSI.

I only hear about the incidents themselves — nothing past them. They sadden me and at times make me angry, cynical or fearful. Rarely is it ever reported about how God stepped in and salvaged the wreckage and created beauty from dust aka abject misery. Based on the way that that information is fed, it’s easy for me to get caught into the trap of believing “that’s all it is” for those people–shattered, ruined lives. Sadly enough, maybe it is. Maybe they don’t believe there could be anything else. If I don’t believe it and I’m not looking for it, chances are, it won’t be there. Instead, I have faith that God does not and will not leave me in a heap during those moments of despair even though that’s how it might appear at first. He’s right there with His arms outstretched waiting for me to reach for Him. He loves me! AND YOU!

If I feel that nothing good has come forth from any given failure, affliction, or cataclysmic loss that I’ve endured, either I’m not looking hard enough or I’m being impatient, expecting God to operate on my watch. The beauty WILL come sometimes immediately other times in years to come. I have absolute faith, hope and trust in that! I will never forget something my Dad said to me many years ago as we were driving away from the gazebo where I had just parted with my birth daughter. Through my blur of tears and the boulder in my throat, I managed to smile when he reminded me,”This isn’t the end of the story, Lis! It’s just the beginning!” You were so right, Dad! Just the beginning, indeed!!

Sometimes in my darker moments while in conversation/prayer with God I’ll catch myself trying to explain my love for Nora pleading for more time with her, “I love this baby soooo much, God… You couldn’t even believe how much!!” And as soon as that phrase, or the like, is uttered I can imagine God laughing with raised eyebrows, “Seriously, Aleisa?” That’s pretty much like telling Thomas Edison that he doesn’t know how the light bulb works (if he were still living…). OF COURSE God can believe and understand how much I love Nora!! He is the inventor and author of love! Our capacity to love is only a fraction of the real deal.

I think of the love I have for my big kids (because that’s really the only way I can try to comprehend God’s love for us, His children). I love my kids, but that doesn’t mean that I’m going to spoil them and give them what ever they want, follow them around picking up every little mess they might make, essentially a slave to them. I have a greater image in mind. I know that they’re going to grow up someday. They need to learn how to become productive members of society. They need to learn several life lessons and basic survival skills. Those lessons aren’t always easy. There will be moments of pain and suffering, as they would perceive it – but that’s what will mold them into who they will become. I’d like to have my kids happy and content all the time, but I’d be doing them a terrible injustice if I gave them what ever they wanted when ever they wanted it (think Veruca Salt). In the way that I believe I know what is best for my kids, I will TRUST that God knows what is best for me. He might assign some very difficult tasks, but it will mold me into someone much better than I am today. After my tears are all wiped away and I’m finished pouting, maybe God will “take me out for ice cream” later.

Be strong and take heart,
all you who hope in the Lord.
(Psalm 31:24 NIV)

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Nora seems to be doing well with the Zantac! Just a lazy day here at home!

Singin don't worry about a thing. Every little thing's gonna be alright!

On your mark...

Get set...

SMILE!!!!

He gives power to the weak
and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired,
and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.
(Isaiah 40:29-31 NLT)

3 birds I noticed in Greta's prayer book

Just another nice and relaxing day with lots of sweet moments…

We’re trying Nora on Zantac to see if that helps her with any reflux that might be going on. Maybe someday we’ll figure out the exact type of formula, bottle, medicine combination that works for her… I was relieved to find that she’ll at least take the Zantac without any troubles. I tried to give that stuff to Greta when she was a tiny fuss machine. Greta did NOT like the taste of that stuff and would’ve kicked me in the teeth if she knew how.

Speaking of Greta… Greta was very sad to have parted with Henrietta Pussycat this evening.

There, there, now, now!!

Henrietta found a new home with Stacie,
Aaron, Lexie and Heidi and is now known as Lily! Greta misses that sweeeet kitten, but was very happy to get a text message from Lily right as she was getting ready for bed! Thank you, Stacie, Aaron, Lexie and Heidi for giving Lily a good home!! We know you’ll take good care of her!!

And the day concluded with a beautiful sunset – even if it was just over some trees instead of Lake Huron!

Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?
And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?
(Matthew 6:27-30 NLT)