I feel that gradually I’m getting back in to a better place, once again placing my trust fully in God. I am limited in my human capacity to what I can and can’t do. This relinguish of control I think I have on things is eerily reminiscent of when we received the diagnosis of trisomy 18. It took me about three days to dislodge the knife out of my heart and just TRUST that God had something great in store. AND DIDN’T HE???????
The fear and uncertainty continues to knock me down on occasion, but at least it is coming in waves now instead of being thrust on me like a fire hose. When these waves come, I literally cry out to Jesus. Usually I feel the pain of the uncertainty ebb away within a few minutes. I’m able to take a breath of air and cling onto my faith, ready for the next crash. I noticed my phone was accidentally connected with a number listed as “Telemarketer” during one of these such moments. I suppose they figured out that it was a bad time to call!! (?)
Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.
(Psalm 107:6 NIV)