Happy 3 Week Birthday to the sweetest little baby girl! While the day started off with dismal weather, Nora did get a few interludes of sunshine throughout the day. Most of her days are limited to the family room, as the oxygen machine tubing doesn’t go much further. However, today I hooked her up to the portable tank and we ventured up to the mailbox. It was a little cumbersome lugging the tank behind me with one hand and pushing the stroller with the other, but we managed and it was soooooo nice to get outside. Today I figured out how to upload video from my phone to Youtube! Here is Nora this morning during a common bout of tiny hiccups.
Before all of my children were born they were just vague concepts of babies. Logically, I knew I was pregnant, I knew there was a baby in there, but I don’t think anyone really has any idea of WHO their unborn baby is until they actually hold that tiny helpless new life in their arms for the very first time. Each of the four times I met a new baby of mine, I was surprised. The baby I had drawn up in my mind never ever matched who was handed to me in those spectacular first few minutes of life. “What? Who’s baby is this?” I would think to myself, yet fall instantly in love despite the conflict between reality and my imagination. With Nora’s prognosis, it was not just a matter of who she might look like, whether she was a girl or a boy. I had never heard of Trisomy 18. I am ashamed to recall the monster I imagined inside of me when I received the news. Selfishly I imagined how horrible and inconvenient our lives would be if this child lived. I was crippled underneath an avalanche of fear. Fear of something I didn’t understand or have any knowledge of. “Incompatible with life” was the only thing I could recall in my hours of Googling. It took about three days for me to figure out that I could hold a conversation with someone without breaking down into an agonizing crying session. That was a huge step for me! That was the moment that I felt God’s deep rooted presence in my life and I chose to rely wholeheartedly on my faith. There was JUST NO OTHER WAY. I have no idea how anyone could face something like this on their own. My faith has pulled me through to today where I live in the present moment of this incredible blessing. Once again, reality has reigned victoriously over my imagination. CLEARLY sweet, precious little Nora is the furthest thing possible from the anomaly I had envisioned. By faith I was able to give her a chance, a life. And look at how she has blessed all of us in return. Thank you, God for this BEAUTIFUL little person!
He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me. (Psalm 18:16-19 NIV)