Though my heart is heavy, it is a heart that is also grateful. Over and over again these past few weeks a common topic has been presented to me from various unrelated sources besides the Bible itself. This entry is a bit of a reiteration of my previous entry… But, it is as if God really wants to make it clear to me right now that gratitude is the best defense against my fear and uncertainty. I surmise that it would be excusable, permissible, maybe even expected that I would be crippled with fear and blinded by uncertainty with everything we’ve been faced with. If you’d have asked me how I thought I’d respond to this situation prior to actually being in it, I would have imagined just that. Initially, that was the direction I was headed. God lovingly put his arms around me (because I allowed Him to) and steered me in the opposite direction. As he veered me off the wretched path of hopelessness and armed me with this message of gratitude, I’ve discovered this alternative way of dealing with life’s struggles instead of following my own human nature. While the outcome of Nora’s prognosis is literally uncertain, God’s love for me, God’s love for my family, including Nora is most definitely certain. He already knows the final outcome. I praise Him for whatever that is because I am confident in His will.
My snug little Nora and I sit beside a trickling creek in a blanket of warm sunshine. This is the creek that runs past our backyard at the bottom of a steep hill. The creek that I was so enamored with when we were first looking at the house. I imagined how relaxing and soothing it would be to come down here with a book or a set of paints and just soak in the surroundings. Back then I had no idea just how therapeutic this tranquil environment would prove to be. The sound of the water confides ancient secrets to the stoic slabs of rock, and the wind whispers in urgent tones to the branches of the trees. The smell of the earth and water are the sweetest perfume, seemingly derived for my sole pleasure. I am thankful for this gorgeous sunny day, this beautiful backyard and the time in which to spend it. I am filled with gratitude that I share this moment with the precious little soul within me.