Day 28 – Cake

We are in possession of the most beautiful cake. Thank you so, so much, C.J! We haven’t cut the cake yet, but plan to momentarily. Will the filling be pink or blue??? I have a flock of butterflies within. The knowledge of a little girl or little boy with a specific name is going to deepen my grief, but it will also intensify the great love I already have for Baby.


“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born,I set you apart.”  – Jeremiah 1:5

… Stay tuned

Day 26 – Letter to Baby

Hi Baby,

You are so active inside of me right now.  I take such joy in your tiny bouts of activity, each little squirm and wiggle.  You are such a strong little thing, contrary to everything we’ve read about T18.  I’m so anxious to meet you, but hate the thought of separating you from the life line that has devotedly sustained you so far. The tie that physically binds us is destined to be cut in two, but there is a tie that will forever tether you to my heart. Nothing and no one can separate that bond. I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living my baby you’ll be.

Condensed into such a short period of time, I hope you will be able to see and feel the tremendous lifetime of love your family has for you. I hope you will know that your sweet little life was not in vain. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, God’s work of art.


Right now, as you’re nestled up inside of me, the concept of being without you seems blighting. But I will find solace in knowing that someday I’ll see you again. Your sweet Daddy and I will have an eternal little baby angel waiting for us in heaven.

I love you, little one.


Day 24 – Trapped

Since the end of December I’d felt like a fly trapped between the screen and a window pane; searching in vain for a rip in the screen or a crack in the glass, some way to escape the possibility that I’m really locked in. Then the storm hit. I lay drowning on my back in the flooded sill, kicking my legs and flapping my wings, trying to breathe and make sense of it all. Not only was I trapped, I was going to be killed in here.


The rain finally subsided and I was able to climb to a place of safety. Instead of continuing to struggle, I let the warm breeze fill my exhausted lungs, the blanket of sunshine dry my battered wings, and the blue sky soothe my many tired eyes. I get caught off guard by the left over rain drops that occasionally drench me all over again, but I’ve figured out they won’t kill me.

The distant sky is bruised with storm clouds, threatening to overtake the consoling sunshine. I am frightened, but instead of worrying about the storm’s fury, I find hints of hope and eagerness for it. Maybe it is THIS storm that will be powerful enough to rip the screen out of the window and free me to fly.