Day 4 – Clinging to the Rocks

Just checking in to let you know we’re doing okay.  I know many of you have been worried, and I want to alleviate you through these posts.  While the news was unbearable and debilitating, we HAVE had a good day yesterday, and today looks like it might be the same.  William and I were both out of bed without too many tears, helping the kids get ready for school. We’ve already figured out that we just have to take these next few months minute by minute and not worry about what tomorrow will bring.  We have decided to continue the pregnancy, although we have been given the option to induce preterm labor.  We believe that for what ever reason, this baby was meant to be here on this earth, even if only briefly.  GOD HAS A PLAN IN THIS.  It’s not for us to figure out or to alter in any way.

Our faith in God, our family and friends are the rocks that we cling to when the waves of grief knock us over and nearly drown us.  Every so often, even as early as yesterday morning, we’ve seen a few little treasures that have been washed up on the shore (old friends reconnecting with one another, our faith becoming an example to others).  As our journey continues, I will make it a point to keep an eye out for more of these pretty sea shells, gold coins, and messages in bottles.  I know that one day we will be able to stand back and see the beauty of the beach for what it is, after the storm has passed.

I’ve talked with a couple of women who have been on this journey, and that has been so very helpful to see that we’re not alone and that we WILL get through this, but there is no way to do it on our own.  We HAVE to give this to God.  Only He is strong enough to bear a load like this.  I remember expressing awhile back that I was in a spiritual funk, and I wanted to be out of that.  Now I think, “Okay!! Okay!! But did You have to bring THIS, God to get me out off it????”  Maybe it was that bad? :/

This morning William opened the Bible up to Ecclesiastes 7:1-6 NIV
A good name is better than fine perfume, and the day of death better than the day of birth. It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of everyone; the living should take this to heart. Frustration is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart. The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure. It is better to heed the rebuke of a wise person than to listen to the song of fools. Like the crackling of thorns under the pot, so is the laughter of fools. This too is meaningless.

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God has us in His arms.  We feel that and know that.  The army of prayer warriors behind us is beautiful and amazing.  Often I find myself getting choked up over God’s glory as opposed to grief and feeling sorry for myself.  Yes, this really really really really sucks, to put it bluntly, but God is going to make something(s) beautiful out of this dust.  PLEASE PARDON OUR DUST.  😉

I just want to let everyone know I’m doing okay and for the most part I’m not in a heap on the floor.  I was at first, but I have tiny glimmers of hope which I believe will someday be blinding.

Thank you so much for your sweet prayers and your love.  I couldn’t do this without all of you.

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