Beauty in the Broken

I added 20 pictures on this post in draft status weeks ago, but have been sidetracked with life and everything in it. Now I’m not even sure where to start in writing…

A mild cold virus made its rounds through the family, which was a bit of a challenge and an inconvenience. Kelly, Nora and I managed to evade the first round. Now something else has crept in the door and into our sinuses. My throat is annoyingly sore, and it seems that Gavin has the same symptoms now too. If Gavin weren’t sick again I would have assumed this was my turn for the first cold. This seems to be something new altogether.

Now here I am laying in bed at 3 am worrying. Worrying. As if that were going to help anything. Hospital flashbacks scratch through my thoughts and I’m wondering if the surgical mask I’ve been wearing around Nora is enough. “What if she gets this???????” satan whispers in my ear, “What if she doesn’t make it to her second birthday???? She was so close!!!! What if this kills her??????” and on and on and on. So I pause. And I breathe. There are no “what ifs” with my God. You can taunt me and whisper all you want, but I will not budge from my faith and all that I KNOW to be true.

I am particularly fragile in my thoughts because We’ve recently (again) been reminded of the fragile balance of life and death. Our Kelly’s father passed away suddenly in his sleep 12 days ago. He was only 48 years old. My heart is so broken for her. According to OUR plans, people are “not supposed to” leave this earth so soon and so suddenly. But from time to time they do and the pain is unbearable when measured by our earthly standards. I find myself feeling sorry for the departed loved one and everything I imagine they will now be “missing out on” here on this earth with the rest of us.

However, as it is written: “What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived” — the things God has prepared for those who love him— (1 Corinthians 2:9 NIV)

The indescribable / inconceivable REALITY of eternity is an irresistible and natural progression for the fully developed soul. There is nothing left here on this earth that could possibly be preferable.

I might not be able to fully grasp the promise of new life in Eternity, but I believe and hold onto that promise, literally as if my (new) life depended on it. I know that it will make perfect sense someday and none of this will matter any more. I never had the pleasure of meeting Kelly’s Dad, but if he can somehow read this from his indescribable paradise I want him to know that his daughter will always have a place in our family. We love you, Kel!

Nora has been doing awesome. I think she is officially “giant” now. She weighs 22 lbs. and has been cultivating quite the collection of teeth! She has 3 front teeth still and 3 big molars that have popped through! She’s Mommy’s big giant lump of sugar and it is absolute TORTURE not to be able to sniff her and kiss her sweet, sweet skin through this surgical mask.

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Pictures from the past few weeks ~

“I’m inna baff. Big surprise, right? I still love my baffs!”

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Happy Lady Baby!

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Blowing kisses ~

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She’ll just sit up on the table during dinner time. She don’t care none! That’s what she likes!

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Greta finds hearts all over the place!

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“I got hearts in my eyes!”

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“An I’m real pretty girl too! Soooooo…..”

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If anyone has any beans that they need thrashed, this baby might be able to help you out. Here’s her demo(lition) video:

“Hey look! Der’s me up der!”

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Hearts on the sidewalk ~

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Sweetheart in the baff.
“Aaaaahhhhhh. An someone argued dat I might not have quality of life??? To dat I say HA HA HA!!!”

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Greasy heart? Sure! Why not!?

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“Um… Dat’s kinda diff’rint!”

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Here is Nornor playing with her Magic Fingers app. It’s no chain mirror, but it peaks her interest for a few minutes!

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Three weekends ago the snow storms and I had some downtime. I used the opportunity to go for a walk by myself in the woods and down to the creek. The weather was perfect.

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As I stood in the middle of the creek, the wintry water coursed and eddied over my thick rubber boots. It’s chill tampered with the warmth of my dry socks on the other side in an exhilarating way.

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I bent down to pick up a shard of china out of the water and was momentarily surprised by what I discovered on the other side. The smooth stark white of the porcelain against the bed of gray creek rock is what caught my eye. It was only after I picked it up and turned it over that I discovered the true beauty of it.

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I was reminded in that moment of the beauty in the broken. I looked all around me for more pieces of this plate and saw nothing. Just because I couldn’t see them doesn’t mean that they don’t exist. The beautiful piece that I held in my hand was obviously part of a bigger picture, part of other pieces that fit together to create the whole. Isn’t that just like life? Some of the pieces like this one show glimpses of the “big picture”, other pieces are plain white. Without the other pieces it would be impossible to figure out what purpose the blank ones serve, but they are no less important. Perhaps others have sharp, painful edges, but they too serve a purpose as part of a greater whole.

As it just so happens, there is a song called “Beauty in the Broken” by Hyland. These are the lyrics:

Looking at your pain an inch away
It’s hard to see the plot
You wonder if your story’s gonna change
You don’t know you’re
Too close to find the hope the light
Don’t know just why, you are breaking
I know that you want to let go but…

Let me hold you through it
Let me carry you
I know if feels you’re at the end
But here your story’s just beginning
I know your tomorrow
I know where you are
Though you can’t see past the moment
I see beauty in the broken
I see beauty in the broken

Looking at your life from where I am
I promise you that
All your dreams and all your greatest plans
They don’t compare to
My hope for you my love can do
Way more than you can imagine
I know that you want to let go…

Let me hold you through it
Let me carry you
I know if feels you’re at the end
But here your story’s just beginning
I know your tomorrow
I know where you are
Though you can’t see past the moment
I see beauty in the broken

So let the pieces of your heart fall into my arms
I wanna be your hope, so won’t you let me
So let the pieces of your heart fall into my arms
I wanna be your hope, so won’t you

Let me hold you through it
Let me carry you
I know if feels you’re at the end
But here your story’s just beginning
I know your tomorrow
I know where you are
Though you can’t see past the moment
I see beauty in the broken

6 thoughts on “Beauty in the Broken

  1. Kelly is so lucky to have come into the lives of your family, Aleisa. It sounds like it was one of those “meant to be” relationships. My prayers that all of your illnesses subside, spring comes soon, and Nora continues to thrive as the sweet little girl she is becoming!!!

  2. Frankincense essential oil from Young Living. Applying this to feet bottoms and inhaling directly will boost the immune system and help prevent these colds that come your direction.

  3. From what I see Nora is a strong girl. Just be careful and have the people who are not sick handle her as much as possible. Aronia Berries are great for the Immune system. Although this may sound weird try hot chocolate made with Immune boosting spices. It only works with dark chocolate or a supplement called “Coco Complete” since dark chocolate is the healthy kind. I call it “Spicy Chocolate”. Made me get over a cold in 3 days. No joke. Glad Nora has good teeth. I thought she already had all her baby teeth. Guess I had her age wrong.

  4. Alesia, your words are so perfectly chosen; your writings so eloquent. I love how life gives you the perfect analogy to include in your script; how you can see such depth in everyday experiences. I so wish I could embrace you & ease your worries & fears; your heart is genuine and pure…& undeniably “Mommy”…Nora has brought about a sea of love, an awareness of Trisomy 18, & the pure spirit, faith & love of family…..an unbelievable, sweet, “bite-a-ble”, melt your heart, lovable, one of a kind baby girl! Your family is endearing; Kelly a gem. Prayers and blessings to you all, always!

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