Weeds

Heart racing, shallow breaths. The boiling anger tautly reined with assertive faith and transcendental peace. I live in a world that rationalizes and encourages an eye for an eye. It’s expected. Revenge – so ingrained into my very being that I had never bothered to question it before. It was just a tempestuous attribute of my hot tempered personality. Revenge disguised itself as self-preservation to protect my pride from being walked on. The perpetrator and any others watching would get the clear message: DON’T F MESS WITH ME.

Through Nora’s diagnosis, her gestation, her birth and her precious life I have grown exponentially in my faith walk.
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Instead of turning to the world (aka Jerry Springer) as an example of how to maneuver through life I began to see things so differently. It was as if though Nora had graciously turned on the lights for me; given me a glimpse of the endless blue sky after having lived in a dark box my whole life. With the proverbial lights turned on I noticed I was surrounded and engulfed by weeds–the useless stratagems of anger, hatred, dishonesty, anxiety, self-righteousness, bitterness, spite, rage, impatience, fear, selfishness, entitlement, violence, and torment. It never took much effort to nourish this tangled mess of weeds that seemed to sprout up overnight out of nowhere. I had lived with this overgrown collection of weedy vices for so long that they were almost a part of me. There was no room for the seeds of spiritual fruit to blossom until I grabbed the weeds at the base of their thorny stems and yanked them out by the roots.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” (Galatians 5:22, 23 NIV)

I partook in an entire Bible study on the fruits of the Spirit. I learned that these seeds of the Spirit’s fruit were planted in me long ago. It is an ongoing process to cultivate and water them. If they are not tended to very, very regularly they will shrivel and eventually become consumed by weeds again.

In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation-garden of your life. (James 1:21 MSG)

You must put away every kind of bitterness, anger, wrath, quarreling, and evil, slanderous talk. Instead, be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you.
(Ephesians 4:31, 32 NET)

When someone had wronged me in some way it used to feel good in the moment to really let the offender have a piece of my mind. An eye for an eye. Vengeance. Out for blood. It’s so easy to jump the gun and believe the worst about people.

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. (James 1:19 NLT)

How quickly I forget my own shortcomings and iniquities, as if though I’m suddenly this perfect entity that has been… unjustly crucified, screaming, “I DIDN’T DESERVE THIS!!!!” If I’m honest with myself — the biggest things I don’t deserve are God’s grace and mercy, yet He has abundantly blessed me with them anyway. Shouldn’t I then in turn extend the same grace and mercy to others who have sinned against me? Shouldn’t I direct my anger at satan instead of the person? It seems pretty simple in writing, but this concept goes completely against the ways of the world. My pride would argue that treating the adversary with love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control is a sign of weakness when in reality it is quite the opposite. Anger and hatred are the well-worn path of least resistance.

Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.
(Romans 12:21 NLT)

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
(Colossians 3:13)

Last Monday evening William took Greta and I out on the river, just on a whim. Gavin didn’t want to come with us and stayed home with Norns and Kelly. The tranquility of the setting sun reflecting on the rippled water relaxed my heart and my mind after the intensity of the day. Greta made me laugh.
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Ducks playing basketball? Sure. Why not.
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Meanwhile back in Nora’s world:

“Oh, hi! I’m just hanging out wiff dat baby in da mirror.”
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“Mommy says dats just an afflection of me in der. Dat don’t make no sense to me.”
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“I blow dat baby kisses. Mwah!”
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“For where two or three are assembled in my name, I am there among them.” (Matthew 18:20 NET)
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“People might tink dat I just lay around all day being a baby, but I’m really getting to be a big, big girl. I can hold my head up soooo good now!!”
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“Mmmmm. Ders my sister. I lub her!!!!”
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“IS DAT BAFF WATERS I HEAR???!!!???!!!”
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“Yaaayy!!”
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“Who’s all stinky clean?”
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“I yam.”
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“Speaking of yams… Deez sweet potatoes aren’t what I ordered!!!!!”
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“Eeeeeee!!!!”
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“Bleckkkk!!!!!”
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“Sheesh!! At least my sister loves me!!???!!!??”
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Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow.
(James 1:17 NLT)
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{Another CURRENT post will be up shortly!!}

5 thoughts on “Weeds

  1. Hello, I just want say thank you for your amazing light on life ! I love reading n seeing about your amazing family especially little Nora, it just lights me up with the most positive n happy thoughts! Thank you for letting us be a part of your positive n happy life 🙂 Pamela

  2. Um. Yes. I can pretty much echo the whole first part of this post as describing the last three years in learning how to care for my Mom and dealing with family members who aren’t exactly on the same page. Oh and ex-husbands, custody battles, step-moms, ex-inlaws, work, being a single mom, bills, and trying to raise a son in at least a halfway decent sort of way.

    Man it hurts like the dickens when He starts yanking those weeds but oh goodness, when you actually start seeing the results of the beauty that He planted there long ago and has been hidden for so long! Oh so worth it. So worth it to know Him better and discovering of why He really made you in the first place. To bring Him glory.

    I know you don’t probably feel like it somedays but you do do that you know…bring Him glory. You and that sweet Norns. Thanks you once again for being so obedient with this blog and sharing your heart with the world. You just never know who it’s going to reach for Him.

    After shedding a few ‘understood’ tears…I for reals laughed out loud at those sweet potato pics! What a hoot 🙂 Love, love, love this baby that I’ve never even met ❤

  3. BEAUTIFULLY written, Aleisa. There is nothing more to say it to you any better.
    SO blessed to have you shedding YOUR light into our world.
    Hugs,
    Lisa

  4. So I know this is a random thing to say but have you tried the first year spoons to try and feed Nora, I have found they are the best out there, perfect or their little mouths. Sweet Nora will be in my prayers tomorrow as she gets her tubes! Go Nora go!

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