Lazy laid back weekend here at our house. The only thing really to report is that Nora’s heart rate has been pretty elevated (in the 170s). Of course this stuff always come to light during the night and/or on the weekends. Based on how she is doing otherwise, we didn’t think it deemed a trip to the emergency room. She’s still eating great, squealing and for the most part happy unless she’s got a belly full of air. The plan is to have her seen by the pediatrician hopefully tomorrow.
I’ve been pretty anxious about this and haven’t felt like mulling over it with anyone — which is why those of you closest to me might be wondering why you’re just now finding out about it through the blog. It’s these types of things that seem to roll out the red carpet for satan, setting him up in a nice posh hotel room in the middle of my mind. It’s a real effort sometimes to stay focused on God and doesn’t come as naturally when something might be wrong. Basically, I start feeling sorry for myself, wishing for “normal” and it’s all downhill from there.
Not that I discounted or didn’t believe in God, but I used to think, “If God is so mighty and powerful, then why can’t He show himself to us? Why can’t He be here in some tangible form? Why do we have to rely on our faith?” Today was one of those days that I really could have benefited from a good hard cry on God’s shoulder, with his arms physically wrapped around me, whispering in my ear that everything is going to be okay. I never stopped to imagine that God is protecting us by not physically revealing Himself to us. Could it be that God is THAT powerful, THAT mighty, THAT intense that to experience Him in the physical form would kill us?
Then Moses said, “Now show me your glory.” And the Lord said, “I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the Lord, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. But,” he said, “you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live.” (Exodus 33:18-20 NIV)
God is the same God now as He was with Moses and He is the same God He always will be. I am unable to see Him face to face without dying. Instead I have my faith. I also have the benefit of God speaking to me and comforting me through others.
This afternoon I was laying on the bed thinking about everything going on here. “God, I could really use a hug or a loving touch from You right now,” I prayed. I needed His comfort and reassurance that He’s still right here with me. Almost immediately, in walks my hubzbind. We’ve both been a little on edge. “Want me to cuddle you?” He asked despite the fact he was getting ready to take Greta out for a Daddy-Daughter date. As he laid next to me rubbing my shoulders and back tears welled up in my eyes. He is SOOO sensitive and receptive to the Holy Spirit. God responded to my prayer through my husband and also sent along the reminder that no amount of worrying is going to make things better for Nora. The best thing we can do for Nora is love her and TRUST GOD. That will do immeasurably more than any medicine or medical treatment ever possibly could.
Overall, Nora had a good day today! She was happy and ate very well. Just before we went up for the night, her nurse hooked her up to the pulseox machine. Her heart rate was 148 and her oxygen levels were at 100! That information will lend itself to a good night’s rest, I hope! Thank you in advance for your prayers!!!!!!!!!!
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil.