Lights

I got a new phone today which seems to have solved my “photos not showing up in the gallery” problem. I’m trying to find/learn new photo apps that allow me to be creative with the pictures I post. Unfortunately the app I’ve become so familiar with and have used for so long is only available on android. Now that I’ve finally transitioned to iPhone I’ll have to figure out something else. The WordPress app is also very different than what I’m used to. Hopefully this will even post!!

Here are some pictures from my old phone taken this morning:

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Nora had a visit from the nurse this morning. I held my breath as she listened to Nora’s little lungs. She assessed that Nora’s lungs are clean and clear – it’s all upper respiratory. I was so relieved! Thank you for your prayers in regard to the cold. It’s still going strong. Hoping it will ease up soon!

I was able to get out for a bit this afternoon thanks to my Mom! I went and picked up my new phone and then hurried off to the kids’ school to see if G & G’s sweet teachers needed any help. I hate not being able to volunteer to the extent that I was able in previous years – but glad that I get to do it at all! Greta was especially excited about my impending arrival because I told her I would wear the same outfit so we could be “twins”.

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I dug out my red tutu skirt with an extra sprinkling of self-confidence and made that little girl’s day. In no time at all she’s going to be completely mortified by my very existence, so I’m all too excited to be “twins” when she asks. I dare you to try and tell us apart!!

When I got back home I was giddy with excitement to see that my Mom has tackled the task of not only scouting out the lights for our “monstroci-tree” but hanging them as well!!!

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Slowly but surely it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

And inevitably it always ends up looking like baff time too!

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So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
(Isaiah 41:10 NIV)

Remembering

I’m sitting in my warm car in the same parking spot I was on the day when I realized I was capable of holding a phone conversation without disintegrating into a heap of sorrow. It was about the 3rd or 4th day after we’d received the amnio results. My childhood friend Suzie called in to check on me. Perhaps it was the comfort of her familiar voice that I’d known since I was 3 years old, a precious connection to an innocent, carefree existence that no longer was. That phone call was monumental and I remember it every time I pull into this parking spot in front of the sign company.

I sit here this evening thankful for how incredibly far we’ve come since those days when I worried about whether or not I could hold a phone conversation without falling apart. I’m thankful for the friends both new and old that God has so strategically placed in my life.

Today was another uneasy day exacerbated by broken computers, cable company annoyances, and the pressures of the holiday season (i.e. cards, lights, presents, and no ideas what so ever about any of it). Of course Nora has yet another cold on top of everything. As diligent as we are about hand washing and changing clothes after we’ve been out, you’d think we were out wading around in the McDonald’s Playland ball pit with her!!! So aggravating! Please pray that her lungs stay clear!!

Pictures from yesterday:

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Good morning!!!!


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Goodnight to my brudder.


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Goodnight to my sister!

Goodnight to you!

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The Lord is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.
My heart leaps for joy,
and with my song I praise him.
(Psalm 28:7 NIV)

Conversations

“It’s 5:52 AM. You have this whole day in front of you. I wonder if something bad is going to happen today?” Satan chides.

I pull the covers up over my ears and try my best to ignore his evil sarcasm.

“Remember how easy everything used to be? Everything is pretty much a mess for you now. That little baby is on a timer. Aren’t you scared that one day just out of the blue time is going to be up? You should really think about that and fear that. Let that really sink in and make your life miserable with anxiety. Whew, does it suck to be you! Ever stop to wonder why God would do something like this to you, and to your husband and your other sweet kids? What kind of loving God inflicts this fear and pain and anxiety on his so-called beloved children? You can’t be expected to handle something like this. Before long you are going to snap and crack under the pressure of it all. Everyone is just watching and waiting for it to happen. You want to know what’s funny? What is funny is you can’t escape from any of this. You are stuck here in your miserable existence. It’s only going to get worse. You have every right to be pissed off at the world and especially at God.”

These are lies. I know that, but they sting and they wound me. Tears well up in my eyes. “God I trust YOU. Please help me!!!!!” I am silently screaming in anguish.

His presence is not immediate and obvious. It is a barely discernable whisper, but it is enough to put the strength back in my soul and to give me the power to get out of bed, placing one foot in front of the other. He further reveals Himself through a spontaneous hug from my sweet husband. My daily routine begins and it isn’t so bad as Satan tried to imply. I feel outwardly better, but traces of fear, sadness, uncertainty, and anger remain manifested beneath my unstable facade. As the sun purposefully migrates across the sky I sigh with relief. Satan’s malicious confabulation has gone silent, inaudible through the powerful wings of protection wrapped tightly around me. “You are part of something amazing,” God explains without words, “This is bigger, greater and more beautiful than you could ever, ever imagine. I give you glimpses of it from time to time, but someday I will show it to you in its entirety. Then this will all make sense. I chose you for this incredible, important task. I gave you your talent for writing long before you ever knew its purpose. The only thing that Satan is right about is that you cannot handle this on your own. Stay connected to me. I will give you strength, endurance, courage and protection. Lean on me, tap into my great power. Be reminded of my profound nearness in the air you breathe, the beauty of nature, the three birds, through the love of your family and the others I have placed in your life to be My hands and feet. Soak it in and accept it with gratitude.

You worry about how long Nora will be with you, but she is no different than anyone else you love. Only I know the number of each of your days. Not one person on this earth is GUARANTEED a tomorrow, including you! Enjoy what you have in the present moment. Your perceived “worse case scenario” of death will surely not seem as such from the other side in the heavenly realms. You only fear it because it is unknown to you in your human-ness. It is unseen to you, but it is very, very real. Trust Me on this!”

I am consoled.

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
(Deuteronomy 31:8 NIV)

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This evening we had a special delivery!!

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4 men and a tree


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Balancing act


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Excited kids

Technical Phone Difficulties

I’ve been trying to access my “not so smart” phone’s photo gallery for well over an hour now and I get nothing. I have now reached the boiling point of not having anything nice to say, which I guess is when I shouldn’t say anything at all?

I will try updating from my rotary dial phone tomorrow. Perhaps it will have fixed itself overnight? 🙂 (sarcastic smile)

Goodnight!