I’m sitting here propped up against the wall in our basement listening to the radio after just having assembled an IKEA shelf in a record time of 1 hour! Today was certainly a better day than yesterday. I’ve concluded two things:
1) It’s not a good idea for me to be completely alone. It’s too easy to let my dark thoughts fester into an all out catastrophe. This is a whole new reality for a self-proclaimed recluse, such as myself, to adjust to. Now, more than ever, do I need my family and community of friends, even if it’s just on the other end of the phone. I need to be the one to pick up the phone when I feel things spiraling out of control. Often times I’m too stubborn, prideful,embarrassed, or just don’t want to bother anyone or bring anyone down with me. I like to pretend I can handle it all on my own – and the next thing I know I’m hyperventilating in a lake of tears. Not working out for me to be alone, especially when Gavin and Greta are away.
2) Maybe God doesn’t come rushing down and fix all my problems right away in the way I’d like Him to because He wants me to learn to trust Him and to figure it out on my own that He is right here with me. He wants me to learn about Him by staying active in His Word, “Pick up the Bible! Read about Me and who I am! I am ‘I AM’!”
{God replied to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM. Say this to the people of Israel: I AM has sent me to you.” (Exodus 3:14 NLT)}
In the same way I’ve let my own children cry themselves to sleep on occasion when they were babies and toddlers. It pained me terribly to hear them crying. I wanted to rush in and bring them in bed with me. But I also knew that they needed to learn how to fall asleep on their own – and no, they couldn’t sleep in bed with me! It was never because I didn’t love them! They eventually figured it out that I was always just in the next room and that I would be back in to get them when they woke up. Their little tantrums grew shorter and shorter and now at 6 and 8 years old they certainly know how to fall asleep on their own. It’s getting them IN TO bed that has become the big issue in recent years!!
I’m still the spiritual infant in all of this. God is sometimes right in the next room with His head in His hands listening to me. It pains Him to hear me crying, but He’ll be in to get me after I’ve learned to rest in Him. He’s waiting for me to trust Him and to know that He’s got my very best interest in mind.
Today I felt God standing next to my “crib”, patting me on the back and whispering that it’s all going to be okay, “Stop worrying and REST your mind! I’ve got this!” He hasn’t reached in to take me out yet, but at least I know He’s there and I am soothed.
God probably wants to clear up any misconceptions that may or may not be out there as well. I am no saint, I have real human emotions, I don’t have it all together. I am in fact an ordinary person allowing God to do extraordinary things with and through me.
Here’s Nora:
Oh, hi! It's me - Nora!
Rumor has it that I was a little fussy yesterday...
I had lots of boogies and my little cheek got all red and chapped.
I was NOT happy about any of this.
And my tear duct is all jacked up too. My poor eye!
Things were a little bit better today though.
I have my doctor's appointment tomorrow morning. Please pray for my Mom and Dad. While they might be scared for me, God already had a plan for me before He even created the universe!
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord , “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
(Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)
Nora always tells it like it is:
Nora’s appointment is at 8:30 tomorrow morning. Please pray for us!!
iwillcarryyou 
Nora looks so good! My prayers are with you and your family.
I have been following your blog now for about 2 months. I am 33 weeks pregnant with my trisomy 18 baby girl – Layla. I just have to say that your little Nora gives me so much hope. I have been praying for your family and Nora, and said an extra little prayer last night for your visit with doctors today. I hope and pray that you guys got good news. Thanks for sharing with all of us your life with Nora. God bless.
Nora looks so full of life tonight 🙂 Perhaps this latest round of cold was to show the doctor how strong she is and can hold her own. I have good feelings about the report you will receive in a few hours. God has not brought her this far to just drop her, I truely believe you will hear good tomorrow. The timing may not be as quickly as you are hopeing for, but remember, God knows best. Trust him and Nora Rose will continue to grow and blossom. You are human, ups and downs are normal, and you share with us a real side of this journey when you are overcome by fear, emotion, sorrow, doubt, the unknown, the overwhelming decisions you must make. You and William are doing a fantastic and brave job, God has left Nora Rose with you so that tells you much. Continue on the strong belief and faith you have,and miracles will continue to be blessed on God’s Nora Rose.
HI LITTLE NORA ROSE. YOU ARE JUST A COMPLETE CUTIE PIE. I LOVE THE PICTURES YOUR MOMMY POSTED TODAY. I JUST CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF THEM. I LOOK AT THEM AND READ YOUR MOMMY’S POST, AND THEN I LEAVE A MESSAGE. AND THENNNNNNNNN I GO BACK AND LOOK AT YOUR SWEET PICTURES AGAIN. YOUR VIDEO IS JUST WONDERFUL. ALL THE WAY THROUGH IT, I WAS SMILING AND NOT TAKING MY EYES OFF OF YOU. I LOVE THE WAY YOU WERE TALKING TO YOUR MOMMY. YOU ARE GETTING SO BIG, AND YOUR HAIR IS GROWING FAST. OF COURSE YOU STILL HAVE THOSE BEAUTIFUL EYES, AND THE SWEETEST LITTLE LIPS I THINK I HAVE EVER SEEN. I AM SO HAPPY YOU ARE FEELING BETTER TODAY. YES, I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU AND YOUR MOMMY AND DADDY. THEY CAN’T HELP BEING WORRIED, THEY BOTH LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH. ALSO GAVIN AND GRETA LOVES YOU VERY MUCH TOO. I WILL BE PRAYING ALL DAY LONG, AND WILL BE WAITING FOR THE NEWS REPORT. I AM CLAIMING HEALING FOR YOU NORA, AND I FEEL EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK. I WILL ALSO REMEMBER YOUR BIG BROTHER AND YOUR BIG SISTER IN MY PRAYERS.YOU GET A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP TONIGHT SWEETIE, BECAUSE YOU HAVE A FULL DAY WAITING FOR YOU TOMORROW. I LOVE YOU NORA ROSE. ALEISA, THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE THAT WILL BE PRAYING FOR NORA, OF COURSE YOU ALL WILL BE IN EVERYONE’S PRAYERS. HOPE YOU SLEEP GOOD TONIGHT, SO YOU WILL NOT GET TOO WORN OUT TOMORROW. I LOVE YOUR WHOLE FAMILY. GOOD NIGHT AND GOD BLESS.
Sending all my love, prayers and positive thoughts to you all this morning. Looking forward to hearing good things from today’s visit!
Praying
If I hadn’t just written those very words myself the other day about feeling alone and scared and in the dark when no one is around. Your crib analogy is so true, I too had to let my kids cry it out some nights and now I see God right behind the door as I have those moments of self soothing and alone attempts. We are never alone. The devil creeps in and wants us to think that, gives us awful thoughts but when we begin to let in the light of God, even if it is us picking up phone, getting on blog, writing our emotions down or saying OUT LOUD “I NEED YOU LORD RIGHT NOW!” His hand extends and the phone rings, someone posts something you need, the light fills the room. He always provides and will always be here. WE have to reach for Him is all…He has a plan for you Aleisa. We don’t know it yet is all, keep following His path and He will open and close doors of where HE needs you to go. A NO may not be a rejection but just a REDIRECTION.
Good morning Yusko family! Our family has been following your story since day one… Emery is our little 6 week old and each morning while Mommy feeds her, we read Nora’s updates aloud. It just so happens that this morning, our story time was at 8:15 and I don’t think that was by accident. We are praying for an excellent outcome, peace and grace. Thank you for reminding me that we need to rely on Him. The crib analogy is an excellent one (that I’m very familiar with these days…) We will check back later for an update, but trust that you all are feeling the blanket of love we all have wrapped around you. Hugs!
Praying with you this morning from Greenville, SC. May you sense the Presence of Abba at every turn, and may He show Himself a mighty Warrior on Nora’s behalf. His Name is above every other!
Nora is beautiful! You bring honor to God and your family through your faithful commitment to them. Stay strong.
Hi Aleisa,
Your latest posts have been making me breathe in extra deep and long for you. I don’t know if this helps or not, but it helps me to think of my breaking down at some point not as lack of faith or being impatient with my higher power, but as biological. When we are ill, we get a fever, when we are thirsty, we drink. When we have filled our bodies with as much as they could take….we break down. Those tears need to be released. Those negative thoughts need to be acknowledged and released. That makes more room for your higher power to move in, and do it’s job. Your energy will come back. Your back will straighten back up, and you will feel that hand on your shoulder. Sometimes the slate just needs to be clean. xoxoxo April
I have been keeping Nora in my thoughts and prayers and especially at this very moment while you are likely at her doctor appt. For what it’s worth, I have been wearing my crucifix around my neck for the past 2 weeks without taking it off in support of her and praying for good news about her heart. I vowed to leave it on until you got news from her doctor. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but it’s my small way of showing my support for her, many miles away. So many people are thinking of you all at the moment. Stay stong!
Praying for sweet Nora and your family today!
Thank you for sharing Nora with us! She is a precious girl and I look forward to hearing how you all are doing each day ad seeing your wonderful pictures!
Hello. I have never written but I read your blog daily. I am a total stranger but someone introduced me to your blog when I was having a really dark time with my pregnancy. About 15-1/2 weeks ago my unborn baby was officially diagnosed with a heart condition (that requires 3 open heart surgeries) and later a rare chromosome condition. I was told to prepare myself that she may not survive because of her chromosome condition and asked if I wanted to terminate my pregnancy. No way.. I couldn’t do that and I choose to carry her. I am now 35 weeks pregnant and there is so much hope that she will make it but we don’t know how she’ll do. I say all of that to let you know that you, Nora, and your blog helped me get through some very sad, dark times because your story have me the hope back.
I’m sorry you are going through this hard time and I have been praying for a good appointment today. I hope and pray for great news for your family today!
One thing I’ve learned since going to Crossroads and from listening to New Life Ministries is that God wants us “in community” to help each other, and encourage one another, and even to admonish one another when appropriate. I am also not very good at it. I don’t really know why it’s so difficult to reach out to others. We are praying for all of you today and every day. Thanks for the pics and video…she is SO darned cute! Oh, and I want you to know that my heart really goes out to you in dealing with the colic along with everything else. Billy had that and there’s just so little you can do besides hold a crying/sometimes screaming baby or lay them down to cry it out bc there’s nothing else you CAN do. With Nora’s respiratory issues and her cold,you must have been beside yourself with fear and helplessness and frustration. SO glad she’s better today.
Love the video! Amazing that you describe yourself as a recluse, I would NEVER in a million years have thought that, esp after reading all your blogs, etc. I am for real a recluse, after working in such close contact with people (Nurse in LDRP) for years, I limit my human contact. Your journey has helped me so much, in so many ways you will never know. Thank you for sharing. Always praying for you!
I shared your blog with this family. I don’t know them. I found them through reading another blog. You know how it goes. Anyway, it was a God thing. She is carrying a daughter with Trisomy 18 and I immediately shared your blog with her.
http://proverbs31girl.com/?p=1761
Back to being a silent reader who prays for you and your beautiful Nora.
Nora,
Let us not forget that the saints all were ordinary people doing everyday things just like you and me. It’s how they let God work through them that is so amazing. You sister are no less and just because we succumb to sinful attitudes on occasion, doesn’t diminish our love of Jesus. Having a fussy baby is hard not matter what. Just because Nora is a very special girl, doesn’t make any of the emotions that come along with a fussy baby any more enjoyable. VERY LOUD PERSISTANT white noise (A cd of the vacuum cleaner on repeat), swaddling, and a baby swing on high made my son’s infancy bearable. Notice I didn’t say enjoyable. 🙂 Praying for your peace of mind and strength for this journey. Thank you for being so transparent. I and so many others are encouraged by your “realness”.
Oops! I suppose Nora can’t read yet! I meant “Aleisa”. 🙂
you are a true inspiration of strength and wisdom. Praying for you everyday!!
Praying for you all the time, may you get good news today ❤
Hello. I don’t personally know you but I have been reading your blog through my delivery nurse Kate Cooley. I want you to know that I am a stay at home mom of 4 month old twins who were 6 weeks premature and if you ever want some company (I know it’s hard being st home by yourself all day with screaming kids) I would love to meet you and your sweet Nora. I’m so impressed everyday by your amazing strength and faith in God. I tried for 2 1/2 years to get pregnant suffering through a miscarriage of twins and then finally after 9 failed insemanations, IVF WORKED!! My twins were born at 32 weeks and my son was in three different hospitals for a total of 6 1/2 weeks. They have been home now for about 2 months. You might think I’m nuts for wanting to meet you but I feel like there had to be some reason that Kate posted your blog and now I read it religiously and feel a connection. If you think I’m nuts just tell me!! I hope to hear from you.
Jenn
Praying for all of you and praying that however the appointment went today, that God gives you all the peace and comfort you need for whatever lies ahead. So appreciate your honesty in your writing. Many are touched and I am sure that many will come to know Him through your journey. Love in Him, E
Aleisa, know that we are all praying for you all and sending all the strength that could possibily be carried/transferred to you!! You are absolutely not alone!!!
I love this post; you have hit it on the head with the “crib” analogy! And my favorite passage is the one quoted above. I have gained such comfort from those words to Jeremiah! More importantly, I love how you are willing to be used by God thru the sharing of Nora Rose’s life. Just read your post on FB; no good news or bad news….just “God’s news”……in His time and on His terms. I love seeing the pictures of punkin head and the rest of your family. You have all become a part of my daily thoughts and prayers, and like so many this is the first thing I read every morning! God Bless, always!
Again you have touched my heart and soul in a way I cannot describe. Thank You!
Praying for you. Love you all (even though I haven’t met you in person).
Your analogy to getting your baby to sleep on their own and hearing them cry to God’s being right there in the next room hearing our cries was wonderful! I have had some recent difficult circumstances and this gives me much hope! Love your writings and insight!
She is sooo incredibly sweet even with boogies in those sweet little eyes. 🙂 hugs n kisses to sweet Nora.