Feeling a bit off-kilter today since the moment I opened my eyes and realized it was the 17th. Nora will be here in exactly a month. My pulse and breathing seem to accelerate with each passing moment, only taking a break during brief intervals of distraction. I live these days on auto-pilot, just going through the motions, trying to replicate some sense of normal for my family and for myself.
I know that everyone has their own trials in life, if not currently, they have had or will have. But how easy it is to look at complete strangers and imagine how “perfect” their lives must be in comparison to my own. I know from my own experience that a smile can do a pretty good job of concealing the mountain of hurt inside me. Certainly the same holds true for the rest of the world. Any showdown of resentment or jealousy that festers up toward the “happy, perfect people” is a waste of time and energy. Of what benefit is it to compare myself to others? God created us all uniquely and no two life experiences could possibly be the same. To utilize the worn out saying: It is comparing apples to oranges! It would be very, very easy to let the bitterness seep through my veins like a deadly poison. At times it is tempting to let go and collapse into a heap of defeat and self-pity, letting the waves take me under. It’s during these times of weakness that my spiritual survival instinct kicks in. I know to call out to Jesus. Without fail He rescues me and guides me back into the shallow waters. I’m surrendering, but I’m not giving up.
“Even to your old age and gray hairs
I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
I will sustain you and I will rescue you.”
(Isaiah 46:4 NIV)